“But the story of the golden calf also reminds us that without rules we quickly become slaves to our passions – and there’s nothing freeing about that.” – Jordan B. Peterson, 12 Rules for Life: An Antidote to Chaos
I decided to use the above quote as a starter to this write-up. Why? Because the word “rules” may have some negative connotation attached to it – “rules” should not be some arbitrary boundaries set forth by societal traditions, but I argue that rules are a necessity to living in accordance with our true nature. We need guardrails, and rules are a great tool to eliminate self-sabotage and break through our self-limiting beliefs.
Like many that came before me, I was clueless about women and let alone about how to attract the type of woman that I wanted. So, after many years of trial and error, emotional pain, coaching, and lots and lots of practice, I put together thirteen rules that, when continuously put at the forefront of my mind, are building me into the man that I know I can be. A man that is always anchored to his truth, manages his emotional state, cultivates a character of strength and resilience, and finally, to living a life that one truly desires.
Rule 1: Know where you’re going
This rule is placed at the number one spot because this is the first thing that any man should have figured out before starting this challenging but wonderful journey of becoming a responsible and attractive man. Would you get into an airplane without knowing the destination and with a complete stranger as the pilot? Chances are you wouldn’t. Every man should have a North Star, this is your guide. What is your purpose? What do you want out of life? How do you want to contribute to the betterment of the planet, society, your family? Are you a computer programmer who loves to program? Then this is you’re North Star – programming, this is how you express yourself. Are you a fitness fanatic? Then this is who you are, this is your drive. In either case, whether you know it or not, you are also fueling the inspiration of others. The only way to give life your all is to love what you do, and the only way to love what you do is to have the courage to follow your intuition. This is your mission, and you must remain committed to the successful completion of it.
As a male, if you don’t know where you’re going, then why would any respectable woman board your airplane of life, if you, the pilot, has no idea where you were headed? See, it’s all in your attitude, people are attracted and drawn to those who expect a lot out of life. The only way to expect a lot out of life is to know where you’re going. The result is self-assurance, a highly attractive trait.
Rule 2: Don’t play the game, be the man you want to be
The so-called “alphas” of nature’s ecosystem are not sitting around wondering about how get the opposite sex to be attracted to them. They don’t sit around working on scripts to get a reaction out of females; yes, while these tactics may work on some females, they are only short lived, and they only provide a façade of confidence – it is not true confidence. Alpha males are strong, fierce, competitive, and sexually proud. Their self-confidence stems from their self-respect, courage, and integrity. We are who we are and do what we do.
Rule 3: Don’t judge
As Dale Carnegie famously said in his influential book How to Win Friends and Influence People, “Even God doesn’t propose to judge a man till his last days, why should you and I?” When invading the feminine spirit, it is critical that you do so without any preconceived notions and free of criticism. She is entering your sphere of energy, and women are especially hypersensitive to the emotions of others, if you are radiating judgment, she will sniff it out in a heartbeat, and you will have repelled her away. You must generate a non-judgmental attitude by becoming enamored in people, not just those you are attracted to, but in all people. One of the best ways to do this, is to practice love and compassion.
Rule 4: Be authentic
Nobody likes a phony, period.
Rule 5: Don’t look at her booty, talk to her instead
Look, I enjoy looking at a girl’s booty as much as the next guy, but I no longer let this be my default. Most guys will stare at a girl’s booty, putting it on some kind of pedestal, and do nothing. This serves no one, especially not you. What’s the point of this? This ‘default’ is something that was programmed into your belief system during your teenage years, when you were filled with shame and guilt for being attracted to the opposite sex. You get nothing out of it, and you reinforce your shame. So, instead of staring at her booty, go talk to her, it doesn’t need to be anything clever, just go say “Hi”. She’s only human. Practice this continuously, and you will slowly begin to reprogram yourself to act in accordance with your true desires, while making her feel better about herself, building new neural pathways for yourself, and doing your part in adding to the collective consciousness.
Rule 6: Obey the three second rule
The only thing between you and the girl of your dreams is three seconds. You know that moment when you see the “one”, only to have her walk out of the coffee shop just before you were about to make your “move”? Now she’s gone, she’s left your life forever. It’s about time you change the paradigm, that is, the pattern of always having them leave before you’re “ready” to make your move. Life doesn’t wait for you to be ready; you must jump in and grab life with all your strength, softly. The only way that I have found to do this, is by acting within three seconds, not one millisecond more. As soon as you see a potential mate, you must act within three seconds of spotting her – this is your tool to fight your mind from wanting to keep you comfortable and safe. She’s not going to bite, so just move (within three seconds).
Rule 7: Practice altruism
You must have a 51/49 mentality, 51% altruistic, 49% selfish. See, it’s about adding value, always, this has to be who you are, not a mask that you put on when it’s convenient. If you see a girl wearing a nice sundress at the local grocery store, tell her, you have no agenda, only to give her a compliment – your truth. This is an altruistic act. Holding back from telling the truth is a selfish act, you are withholding your gift. Your masculine gift. The same applies to all people you encounter, share your gifts, your truth, expecting nothing, and see what comes.
Rule 8: Earn her trust
She’s been hurt before, and now she’s protecting the one thing she’s most afraid of giving – her heart. This is why females “test” potential suitors, ultimately, she wants to feel secure, it’s deep biological programming that won’t change anytime soon. You must pass these tests to earn her trust, and ultimately her heart. What she says, is not always what she truly desires. She might say “I will never give you my phone number,” but what she’s really saying is, “Are you willing to stand up to me? Because if you are, then I know you will stand up for me, then I will feel secure – with you.” Earn her trust, don’t trick nor deceive, but become the man that she can trust. Stand full and strong in the face of her tests and erratic moods.
Rule 9: Develop and cultivate social bonds
Isolation is dangerous. You must always fight the resistance to want to remain in a hermit state. Use technology to remind you to keep up with friends and family. Also, a healthy community of male friends is a great way to serve a lot of your emotional needs. You’ve got a family, add value to their lives by giving them a call from time to time, it is your duty as a man to plow your field.
Rule 10: Make impact, hit her emotional core
What’s going to make you stand out? There are plenty of other guys out there that she can be talking to, plenty of other potential-mates that are going to be talking to her. Everyone is for the most part, is going throughout their day on auto-pilot, not many highs nor many lows. It’s up to you to create a high, or a low, either one will hit their emotional core. Any humbleness or politeness should be thrown out, this is not the time to see yourself as being “respectful”. You must inflict a little pain if necessary. Whatever the circumstance, be bold. You have made your presence known and you mean business.
Do you think she has a nice booty? Tell her, just don’t be a creep about it, you don’t need to linger on the comment waiting for reaction. You’re simply saying it like you see it. Of course, for the most part you must stay within context, it is probably not wise to tell her she has a nice rack in the presence of her family during Sunday Mass. When in doubt though, err on the side aggression, women are not as sensitive as you might think. Tell her what’s on your mind and own it, otherwise you are stealing her decision away. Her decision to choose you. Women appreciate your truth, even if it gives them a small jolt.
Rule 11: She’s on a clock, don’t waste her time
She’s literally on a biological clock quickly approaching her expiration to have offspring. Don’t waste her time with your insecurities and self-doubt, she doesn’t have time for this. Your neurotic self-concern is repelling, get rid of it. By always being concerned about you are being perceived by others, you impede your ability to give your masculine gifts to the world. One of those gifts is your seed, she will only accept it, if you know what you want. Playing games is like gambling with her time, and her time is precious, as this governs her offspring – it’s simple biology. One of the best tools to combat your self-concern is to always maintain a full and open front of the body – practice deep breathing throughout your day to give your body life energy. The cure to uncurling attention from yourself, is to do more for others. Make yourself useful.
Rule 12: Control your emotional state
Nobody wants to be in charge of your feelings, and she sure as hell doesn’t want your neediness. You must keep rule one – know where you’re going – at the forefront of your mind. This is a great tool to help alleviate any neediness. You cannot come into an interaction filled with anxiety. Control any tendencies of anxiety by practicing a calm and poised demeanor, if you struggle with this, meditation will train your mind to remain calm, cool, and collected.
Rule 13: Make her laugh
Exercise your humor, remember, we’ll all be dead soon, so what’s the point of being so serious all the time? Be lighthearted for God’s sake. You’ve got nothing to lose from telling a bad joke, and everything to gain. Don’t know any jokes? Look some up, then practice them. Remember: Humor is a way of acting out your optimism. It’s a positive feedback loop, the more you exercise your humor, the more optimistic you become – and well, that’s best for everyone. You’ve got a soul, you should let it out.
I wish you well on perhaps the most important journey you will ever take. The above rules have worked for me, but I urge you to create rules that will work for you.