How Marcus Aurelius and David Goggins Showed Me the Path to Strengthen My Mind
I never considered myself a runner. I have always valued staying healthy and fit. The typical gym workouts with some cardio training and weight-lifting has been the extent of my workout regimen. When it comes to running, I run an average of four miles a week. I have an all-time greatest distance record of seven miles — rookie numbers.
Things changed when I started to listen to David Goggins’ audiobook Can’t Hurt Me. David Goggins, the self-proclaimed “Hardest mother-effer alive,” has completed some incredible feats of human athletic ability. Some of which include running 100 miles, eight weekends in a row, that’s right, a total of 800 miles in eight weeks! His life story is quite motivational, having made a career out of being a motivational speaker – promoting hard work, discipline, honor, integrity, and always pushing the limits.
What does David Goggins have in common with Marcus Aurelius? – Marcus Aurelius, a man who lived some 2,000 years ago, a Roman Emperor and a Stoic philosopher. Ever since I was a young boy, I had always had an interest in philosophy. There is something special about how the words of wisdom transcend generations. In my quest for a school of philosophy that resonated with me, I found stoicism. Marcus Aurelius was a dedicated student of stoic philosophy. His personal journal turned into what’s become the all-time classic Meditations. Meditations has been studied by some of the most influential people in history, from George Washington, Thomas Jefferson, Teddy Roosevelt, to Ralph Waldo Emerson[1]. To a more modern audience that includes New England Patriots coaches, rapper LL Cool J, and other professional athletes, artists, and executives[2].
Stoicism was founded by man named Zeno in Greece at around 300 BC. The philosophy stresses inner peace and ethical behavior “by emulating in one’s personal conduct the underlying orderliness and lawfulness of nature.” Or put another way, behaving in accordance with the natural order or pattern of nature. While all of this sounded good on the surface, there was no practical application nor do I admit to have necessarily understood these so-called virtues.
Marcus Aurelius said, “Do not be happy with a superficial understanding of a book.” (I, 7.) When I first read this back in 2018, that statement meant little to me, other than, “apply what you learn, got it.” This is what I told myself. When I heard Goggins talk about his quest in seeking fulfillment through his ultra-athlete endeavors – things started to click. How am I supposed to understand Goggins by listening to his audiobook? Goggins talked about suffering, going to a dark place during his runs, and having to dig deep for answers when faced with self-doubt and fear. I was listening to Goggins and I understood him, however, I was falling into the trap of having a superficial understanding of the book.
Like Goggins, I too was seeking fulfillment. I was feeling lost, I needed something. If I want to find fulfillment like Goggins did through exercise, I also needed to understand his suffering, not only at an intellectual level, but at an experiential level. I need to run.
“Well, let’s see, I’ve run seven miles before. Why don’t I shoot for a marathon (26.2 miles) next? That shouldn’t be too hard.” These are my thoughts as I throw on my old sneakers that hardly have any tread left on them.
I head out the door at about 10 AM on a Sunday morning. It’s October 2020 and I live in Oceanside, CA, the ocean breeze does a great job of keeping the weather cool, so I’m not concerned about the upcoming midday heat. Equipped with only my phone and headphones, I’m ready to crush this run.
I start running, one mile in and I’m feeling full of energy, motivated, and determined. Four miles in, “this feels pretty good,” I tell myself. Eight miles in and I’ve beat my previous personal record! I’m feeling good. It must have been at about mile ten when all that motivation and determination turned into utter pain; physical pain, and lots of it. My knees were starting to feel like there was no lubrication in my joints, because every bend of the knee was excruciating.
Self-doubt had taken hold. I’m drowning in pain and I’ve got 16 miles more to run.
“If anything is possible for man and conformable to his nature, think that this can be attained by you, too.” (IV, 19.) This is what Marcus Aurelius wrote, and for some reason this was another one of those lines that had just stuck with me. “Perhaps being a strong runner is not who I am,” I thought to myself. Perhaps it’s not part of my “nature”. Self-doubt can be a real dream-killer, if you let it.
My knees and my hips were in excruciating pain. Running turned into walking. Mile 13 starts, and I can barely move. I manage to walk another 2.9 miles. It’s about 1 PM now, and turns out that the rise in temperature, while minimal has taken its toll, I’m dehydrated – I call it. I stop. I quit. I’ve completed 15.9 miles, a personal record, but I am disappointed.
“Do not be disgusted, discouraged, or dissatisfied if you do not succeed in doing everything according to right principles; but when you have failed, return again…” (Aurelius, V, 9.)
The first five miles I keep a steady pace, and with the new shoes it almost feels like I’m running on air. I’m confident, but I also have to remind myself that the pain will eventually come. Goggins said that you must know why you’re doing what you’re doing. Because when the pain comes, the answer to that question is about the only fuel that can keep you moving forward.
I didn’t know why I doing this. Was I trying to prove something? To whom? To myself? As I kept running, I knew that I had to find an answer, and quickly, before the pain takes hold. I knew I wanted fulfilment, but what does this even mean? Looking back, any successes that I’ve had in life – the accomplishment itself brought little “fulfillment”. It was the process that was the most rewarding. But when this “process” is made of utter pain, it is hard to get your head above water. So why was I doing this? To toughen up, to become stronger, not physically – what I was after was a strong mind. That was my answer.
For the past two years or so, I feel like I’ve been on a lull. My career has not been going the way I hoped it would be, and things with family have been on a rollercoaster. “I need to get my shit together!” I told myself.
Like clock-work, at mile ten – the pain arrives. It’s excruciating.
“Pain is neither intolerable nor everlasting if you bear in mind that it has its limits, and if you add nothing to it in imagination.” (Aurelius, VII, 64.)
I had to force myself to step into that dark place, and I had to remind myself why I was doing what I was doing. I can’t say that some miraculous thing happened, but I did manage to conjure up enough strength to push myself to complete a total of 17.5 miles that day. I was proud. The pain was real. Now I understood what it meant to not be satisfied with a superficial understanding of a book.
“It is a shame for the soul to be first to give way in this life, when your body does not give way.” (Aurelius, VI, 29.)
[1] https://dailystoic.com/stoicism-pop-culture/
[2] https://dailystoic.com/stoicism-pop-culture/